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Happy day after Mother's Day to all!
Mother's Day this year was weird for me; completely weird.
I have always deferred to what my mother wanted to do for Mother's Day; as far as I can remember, it was never what I would choose myself.
I grumbled about this when my mother was alive.
I thought Mother's Day should defer more to mothers with younger children; that grandmothers should still be included but should pass the baton of choosing the day. I grumbled about having to pack up my kids and travel to restaurants in the city where parking was difficult and food prices were high. I grumbled that I just wanted to stay home and relax.
Last year on Mother's Day was probably the first year since 1998 that I did not grumble about Mother's Day; my mother was deteriorating quickly at that time. We did not know that her end was coming, but we did know that it wasn't good. Last Mother's Day we all spent in her hospital room. We brought lunch and my sis brought a laptop and movies for the kids. I didn't complain, for the first time in 13 Mother's Days.
When my mother died in August, the guilt over my Mother's Day grumbling hit me like a giant football thrown straight at my gut. I've had a very hard time getting over my guilt about this behavior. I think I've mostly moved on from it now; I've prayed about it and repented for being a brat because, well, that's what I was being. A brat.
Be careful what you wish for!
Yesterday, I had freedom. I could have chosen whatever I wanted for Mother's Day activities. I could have had a day without kids. I could have had a day to go out and run around to where ever I pleased, with or without them. I could have locked them all in a room with me and forced them to snuggle me all day long.
Houston, we've got a problem.
My long awaited day had come. My turn.
No clue what I wanted to do, or how I wanted the day to go.
The only thing I knew was that I wanted to go to church, which I did.
My poor darling love walked around on eggshells all day, trying to guess what I wanted. Trying to guess that would have been a magic trick, because I didn't even know myself!
It was a miserable day. We were both agitated and grumpy with one another. I was grumpy because nothing I wanted to happen was happening.
Keep in mind I have no idea what the heck I wanted to happen.
By the end of the day, I realized what I am writing here....that because I never had considered what I wanted to do, I had no idea.
Here's what I figured out, finally:
- I'd like to be surprised in some way. Like a lunch or dinner out, or giving me a book I've been wanting and taking the kids out so I can read it.
- I liked not having to make dinner as part of Mother's Day (my darling did go out and get food for the grill and cook! Yay!)
- I'd like to have some plantable flowers or a hanging basket as a gift (I got a pot with spearmint planted in it. Yay!)
- I like cards, bought or homemade (I got several. Yay!)
- I like other presents too! (Got a present! Yay!)
- I like taking an afternoon nap (Yep, did that too! Yay!)
So what did you do? I might need some more ideas because I do not want to repeat this year's not knowing what I want ever again!
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