Soothe Your Spirit Sunday: The Act of Forgiveness

Butterfly Release courtesy of Salvatore Vuono; FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The act of forgiveness is a complicated one, isn't it?  Often people hold grudges or refuse to forgive someone who wronged them because they feel the wrongdoer should not be released from culpability.

Forgiving is not a release for anyone but you.  Holding on to hate, a grudge, or re-living wrongs done only harm you.  It takes a lot of energy to hold on to that junk in your mind and in your heart.

My first big lesson in forgiveness came in my early twenties. 

My parents divorced when I was a teenager.  It was difficult and life-altering, of course.  I always understood it though.  I understood it, yet I held on to some anger toward my father and then toward my stepmother.  I would get anxious when they were to come over; I would call my sisters and yap about it;  I would feel worked up and critical of words said during the visit.

My father used to work nights.  One morning, in the wee hours when no one normal was awake I had a phone conversation with my dad.  He expressed his feelings about the whole situation and I broke down crying and said, "Dad, don't beat yourself up.  I forgive you dad, for anything that has hurt me."

My life was forever changed from that moment.  I felt free.  I was free from anxiety and anger.  I was free to enjoy my father and finally let my stepmother into my heart.  It was then that I realized my act of forgiveness was something that was a gift to myself.

I realize that not every forgiveness takes place in a moment like mine.  I have had to forgive a lot since then; we all have a lot to forgive and forget.  Forgetting does not mean something never happened.  It does not mean you don't remember what took place.  It means you forget the negative effect that holding on to that junk has had on your heart.




The Wall; Courtesy of Dan; FreeDigitalPhotos.net


Here are my tips to begin breaking through the wall that keeps you from forgiving:

• Make a conscious decision to forgive.
• Pray about your decision.
• Remind yourself of your decision every time the anger, hurt, or anxiety rises up in you.
• Allow yourself to feel the freedom forgiveness brings and dwell in the release of those chains called a grudge.
• Stop talking about whatever wrong you are forgiving.  Stop telling your siblings, neighbors, friends and coworkers about it.  Start telling them something good; if they bring it up, say you have moved on. 
• Release yourself from being judgmental and remember you are a person in need of forgiveness as well.  The more you can forgive, the more forgiveness will be bestowed upon you. 
• Consider writing down your decision and your feelings about it.  A journal, blog, napkin, post-it...whatever.  Writing it down somehow makes it more real.
• Work toward saying to the other person, "I forgive you."  Do not hold on to this as a necessary step, however.  You can say it to yourself - sometimes you can't say it to the person.  For example, you may need to forgive someone you will never see again; you may need to say it to someone who has passed from this life.

I wish you all a wonderful Sunday and a life free from the chains of being unforgiving.  Work on it; the rewards are well worth the work. When you are able to forgive just one time the floodgates will open and you will find it becomes easier and easier.