Monday Motherhood Musing: BubbaB8's Sports Drama

Our mini football

Before I start, you should know I'm not a "stage mom" or "performance mom."  I have no personal attachment to my childrens' activities in terms of their performance making me feel good about some latent childhood dream of my own.

I want them to do well for themselves.  I allow them to pick and choose their own activities.  I try to make it possible to participate in almost everything they want to try.

That said, I do believe that once they sign up, they need to complete a course, performance, or season.  Everybody with me?

My son, BubbaB8, has been looking forward to playing football with our local recreation council program.  This fall is the first year he will be old enough to sign up since the birth date cut-off came before his birthday last year, and the required age is 8.

I did, however, sign him up last fall for a 6 week private football program.  I thought this was a perfect way to get him into what practices would be like before signing up for the whole enchilada.  It was on Saturdays and he really enjoyed it. 

He was vacillating this spring between signing up for baseball or the spring football offered by the same organization from the fall.  He decided on football.

This Saturday past, he was not thrilled about getting ready for football.  He was slow and needed a lot of prodding.  We drove to the practice with his little brother in tow.

When I parked he refused to get out of the car.

When I got out and got my chairs and tote bag, he remained immovable.

Finally I physically took him out of the car.  He stood there with his back absolutely flattened against the side of the car and refused to move. 

I tried asking him what was wrong.  He just stared at me.  BubbaB8 does that.  I am supposed to guess what's going on inside his precious head.

I'm not good at it.

I explained to him that he chose this, and that, in fact, he enjoyed it.  I explained to him that I had a lot of things I could be doing, but I picked taking him to football as my priority.  I explained to him that it was expensive to sign up for football and expensive to drive there, and that was part of it too.

He was unmoved.

I told him I was going to potato-sack carry him to the field.

Unfortunately, BubbaB8 has gotten faster and stronger since the time in kindergarten when I used this tactic to "encourage" him to get out of bed for the school bus.  It worked then, but on Saturday he was wriggling away from me and people were staring. 

I told him to get back in the car.  I was very angry.  I felt like I was about to lose control.  I called my darling love, crying in frustration.

Eventually, I got in the car and told him I was disappointed.  I explained that sports stars don't skip practice because they don't feel like doing it (this is the reason he eventually gave me), that they do it especially when they don't feel like it.  I explained that the only acceptable reason to skip was a family event or illness.

I explained to him that the football program he had been waiting to sign up for was a much bigger commitment than just Saturdays.  They practice 4 nights a week at the end of summer, and a few nights a week once school starts, plus have games on Saturdays. 

I explained to him that I don't feel like cooking dinner every day, that I don't always feel like planning and shopping for food and storing it in the refrigerator, but I do it anyway.  I explained to him that adults don't feel like going to work every day, but they do it anyway.

He burst in with, "Yeah, but that's important stuff!"

Bam.

He doesn't think what he does is important!

Finally, a window into the Bubba soul.  They are few and far between.

I'm on a mission now.  He needs to know that he has a couple of jobs in life and that they matter.  School.  Being my son.  Being God's son.  Being a friend.  Being an active part of his team.

Poor Bubba.

I have never subscribed to the idea that kids should always be lifted up and told how fabulous they are no matter what.  Don't get me wrong, I encourage my children, treat them with love and I am proud of them, but I'm not a fan of the "everybody wins, everybody's the best, everybody at the same level" mentality that is prevalent in today's parenting world.

You win when you're the best and you're on your game that day.  You win because you worked at it.  You're awarded because you did something that stands out.

What would happen if we applied the way some sports are played to the armed forces?  Would we just make everybody a general because we wanted them to feel good?  Everybody in a high position of authority means chaos!

I'm not going to go on about that forever.

I think my Bubba has gotten a little lost in middle-child syndrome, and I know that's my fault.  I think there are instances where children need to stand out.  I think there are children who have an innate desire to stand out but don't know how to make it happen.

I'm on a mission now.  Wish me luck, and wish me luck for next Saturday!

By the way, I also chose consequences for his refusal to go.  I figured out that it costs me about $12 a week for this football program, and about $5 to drive there.  So he has $17 to work off.  He also wanted to have a friend come over to play, and I told him that was out for the weekend.  He was mad.  Good.

How do you make your children each feel important?