Monday Motherhood Musing: The Baby Itch

Photo courtesy of imagerymajestic; FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Yesterday at church I was watching this little baby bouncing on her grandma's knee.  She was probably about 5 months old, and she was adorable.  She looked like a little doll, actually.  I smiled and she definitely distracted me from my fabulous pastor for a few minutes, which is saying a lot.  (www.gatewaychurchyork.com - you can listen to some sermons online)

I see this baby girl at church often.  I don't know the family; I should say hello, shouldn't I?  Seeing her every week and also seeing my wonderful baby nephew gives me the baby itch.

Because 4 is not enough, right?  I mean, have you read my blog? I am constantly running, running, running and losing my mind some days over these kids.  And I want another one?  One that cannot use the toilet and one that will need to attach his or her mouth to my body every hour or two?  Am I completely nuts? 

Probably.

What is it about babies?

I think part of it for me is my darling love - we both have children from our marriages to other people, but neither one of us is getting any younger and we've decided more children are not sensible for us.

As if children were sensible in the first place!  Ha!

Part of me wants a child with him.  I want a child planned and borne out of a love that I never knew existed on earth; I want a piece of the two of us left here when we're gone.  I want to exchange that look of mutual adoration that occurs just after the birth; I want to hold our child knowing it was half made from him.  All of these things tug at my heart when I see babies, hold babies.

But even if we started this year, my darling love would be nearly 70 when that child finished high school.  Even if we started this year, my past difficulty with my last c-section would grip me with terror, and it would be quite possible that my darling would raise that child alone while I watched from heaven.  It's not sensible.

So I'm stuck trying to steal other people's babies for a few moments. 

I'm stuck with the family talking about how I'm a baby hog with my nephew. 

I'm stuck wistfully waiting the 10 years or more until I am a grandma.

(IT BETTER BE AT LEAST 10 YEARS, BANANAG13!!!  I KNOW YOU'RE READING THIS!)

If you've got a baby, come on over and help me scratch my baby itch.