Monday Motherhood Musings: Mean Girls

Photo courtesy of David Castillo Dominici; FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I hope everyone had a fabulous weekend.

We had some fabulous, some un-fabulous.

One of my daughters had a "mean girls" experience this weekend, and it just about set me over the edge.

Why are tween girls so nasty?

I think this is particularly prevalent if you are pretty and smart.  I think girls perceive the girls they are mean to as having something they don't have.

I don't understand mean.

I have my b*&%# moments, to be sure, but I don't understand malice.  Well, that's not true.  Once you hurt my kid, I totally get the concept of malice.

What is even more disturbing to me is that my lovely daughter actually cares what these girls say about her.  And, forgive me, I spewed out my disgust at why she would care what trash thought about her.  That is so not in keeping with what I try to teach my kids, but saying "Those girls are jealous, we should pray for them" just wasn't in my faulted human self this weekend.

I definitely chose the wrong tactic, because she broke down in tears and said, "It's not that easy not to care, Mom."

And I get it.  I really do.

In middle school there was someone who made my life miserable.  She was so mean to me it is actually kind of disturbing.  I was miserable and dreaded school.  She was older than me and when she moved on to high school it was one year of complete relief.

I have no idea why she was so mean.  She was much prettier than I, so she had no reason to be jealous in that respect.  I believe I possess a higher level of intelligence, but she was certainly not stupid.

I don't know why she picked me.

I don't know why my daughter is picked on, however, she is extremely intelligent and has an exotic beauty (her dad is 1/2 Korean, that's why the exotic)  that is sometimes disarming since she is so young.  So maybe that's why.

All I know is that I messed up this weekend, asking her to have a spine and stand up and not care.  Of course she cares.

We need to remember, as parents, what that age felt like.  If it felt great for you, you are the exception and you have to get outside of yourself and listen to your kids.  Just listen.  Don't make the mistake I did initially.

Our conversation was much more productive when I said, "Oh honey, I remember.  I'm sorry.  Kids your age are just mean and they suck!"

Have a good day, and pray for the mean girls.

XOXO